...and realizing that figure is way too skinny to be me and maybe its just time to lose weight.

...and yes, sometimes we're too busy holding onto that which tears us, hurts us, pains us and bloodies us we forget to turn back...

and discover our pair of wings.

I can't sleep.
I haven't been able to for the past 2 nights.
Something's getting me and I don't know what. And maybe it's time to act, but I'm too afraid to look.

I know what to do, and I don't know what to do. And its times like this I feel like stabbing my heart with a dessert fork and twisting it round until it's got my intestines and rectum too.

"A warrior seeks to know what he can rely on. He always checks his equipment, comprised of three things: faith, hope and love. If these three are present, he does not hesitate to move forward."

...when u stare down at the tag off your undies and it says

BUST 80cm

40 years from now when I'm starting to get wrinkly and cateract problems, I'll read this and reminise about those days...those sweet-21 carefree days.
(That kindda sounds like a new brand of panty-liners)

Those tanamerah days of staring out at the world through my 12th floor glass windows, watching the cars and trains and people and clouds and plans go by.
Those days where I'd feel like crap and look up at the beautiful sky and breakdown, or where i'd feel like the top of the world and look up at the beautiful sky and break down.
Those days Id reach office by 10am and stay until 2am, some days slacking the whole day, others with only 10 mins slurping up some meal in front of the comp.
Those days Mei and I wld restore the whole office with music blasting from the speakers and singing at the top of our lungs and get complains from the neighbours.
Those days we'd chill at the balcony in the wee hours of the morning singing at the top of our lungs to someone's guiter and get complains from the neighbours.
Those days we'd scream and shriek and squeal and shout at the top of our lungs to get some ground-breaking realizations and get complaints from the neighbours.
Those days we'd condition the security guards to greet and wave to us ala kumar and get party invitation cards to 'Condo best friend'.
Those days the security gaurds do everything and anything to side and protect us cuz we make them feel significant.
Those days We'd end up at simpang every other night for supper.
Those days we'd fly at 120km p/h, screaming at the top of our lungs to Aerosmith's Crazy, or grooving to our in-car club songs.
Those days we'd end up at East Coast Park Mac, order food we dont need to order and end up wiping it clean anyway.
Those days we'd dress so horrendously slack and end up at clubs or eateries.
Those days we'd scream and whine at each other for DAYS about our bad-ass out dated wardrobe and non-stops ''I don't know what to weEEAAARRrrrrrrr!!"
Those days we'd pine for cute hot sweaty half naked guys dancing with us.
Those days I'd feel like I love my girlfriends so much and the next I'd feel like fucking strangling them or smacking their heads with a carrot.
Those days I'd melt to any hot songs, chicken wings, tall dark mysterious guys, and eating chicken wings while dancing with tall dark mysterious guys.
Those days I'd wanna do so much for the world and end up doing nothing cuz there's just too much to do.

So so many more, the list is endless.
Those days of ignorant, foolish frolicking in a world too big to contain such pettiness. And while I'm sitting here in my latest state-of-the-art flyng-rocking-grooving wheelchair with an in-built fridge and hi-fi system, I'll laugh at myself, suck on my freshly pedicured fake nails, toast a martini to my reflection and finally attain enlightenment.

Now. As you're reading this, take a deep breath.....and close your eyes.
We'll begin a journey into your subconscious.

Think back to a time when you were baffled. What were the questions u were asking yourself?
Have you ever wondered why things turn out the way they do? Or how come you think the way you think? Where did all those problems that you have come from? How come you hang out with the friends you do? Since when did life started becoming hectic and purposeless? What's going to happen if you jumped off that ledge? How come on a bad wardrobe day you dig around for the 1000th time still hoping to find something you missed out on? And do clothes really define you? How come humans age? Who would you be if you didn't belong to your parents? Why are you easily frustrated? How come you have the goals that you have? Are you going to reach there? How long will it take? Did you remember to turn the gas off? Who's your life partner going to be? How come you choose the lovers that you choose? Where does procrastination come from? Why do you always get yourself in the same sticky situations? When are you going to die? Whan are you going to start living? How can there be people who don't like chocolates? When was the last time you watched a movie? And what's with those nachos anyway?? The cheese seems to be getting thin.

Such baffling mind-boggling questions. Whoever put us here must be having a kick out of it.
If you would like to find out the answers to the above questions, or maybe to your own you have been asking for decades, drop a 10 cent coin into the little box there on your left, and walk through the booth. I'll meet you there in a few seconds... like I did in your last lifetime.

Let's dance in style, lets dance for a while
Heaven can wait we're only watching the skies
Hoping for the best but expecting the worst
Are you going to drop the bomb or not?
Let us die young or let us live forever
We don't have the power but we never say never
Sitting in a sandpit, life is a short trip
The music's for the sad men

Can you imagine when this race is won
Turn our golden faces into the sun
Praising our leaders we're getting in tune
The music's played by the madmen
Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever

Some are like water, some are like the heat
Some are a melody and some are the beat
Sooner or later they all will be gone
Why don't they stay young
It's so hard to get old without a cause
I don't want to perish like a fading horse
Youth is like diamonds in the sun
And diamonds are forever S
o many adventures couldn't happen today
So many songs we forgot to play
So many dreams are swinging out of the blue
We let them come true

It will only end when it ends.
And even then, it is just the beginning.

WHY THE FUCK CAN"T SOME PEOPLE just ZIP IT. Is it too fucking DIFFICULT to get fucking CONSCIOUS of YOUR-FUCKING-SELF?!

just goes to show how everything we live for,

is an illusion.

And it's only once that illusion is shattered where pure light can shine through and true freedom can be experienced.